When you feel overwhelmed how often do you ask for help? If your answer is not very, you’re like so many other women. Women tend to naturally be the one in the family who takes care most of the items on the household to-do list in addition to taking care of kids and/or bringing home income.
I believe this is in our DNA as women. In the hunter and gatherer society, the women were the gatherers. Women would hold the babies while gathering any veggies and fruit they could find. They were able to focus on multiple tasks at the same time. Men, on the other hand, were the hunters. Their primary job was to be laser focused on hunting animals to feed their family.
So, it’s natural that women feel the need to handle everything else in the household to make sure everyone in the family is fed, clothed, and well taken care of.
Of course, in today’s society things are little different. These days more men are willing to share the household responsibilities, yet, women still do a bulk of the tasks that keep the household running smoothly. This can be because women don’t know how to ask for help.
There are several reasons why we don’t want to ask for help. It can be fear of losing control or feeling like no one else can do a task as good we can. When we come up with reasons like these, our focus is on why we can’t ask for help rather than how we could we ask for help. This is where a simple mindset shift can be a game changer.
“If you change the way you looks at things, the things you look at will change.” Wayne Dyer
So, how do you ask for help in a way that relieves the pressure you feel and helps you feel comfortable passing the baton? We’ll use meal prep and cooking as an example as this is a challenge my clients experience and I’ve had challenges with myself.
I’m a big fan of planning meals a week in advance. I’ve found from personal experience this helps me find the motivation to cook a homemade meal when I’m tired at the end of the work day and just want to relax. Having the ability to come home and simply look at a menu makes it super easy for me to get out all the ingredients and get to cooking. However, this does require you to carve out time the week before to plan the meals, do an inventory of your fridge and pantry, and go to the grocery store.
Tip #1: Make a list of all the ways you’ll find freedom in asking for help.
When I was feeling overwhelmed with doing all the meal planning for dinner in our home, I imagined what it would feel like if I asked my hubby, Scot, to share the meal planning with me. What I learned was it would give me an opportunity to transfer my meal planning energy into other things such as relaxing or focusing on how to better serve my Wellness Abundance clients and community. It was one less thing for me to stress out about during my day.
Tip #2: Make a list of ways in which the person you’re asking for help from can benefit.
This can be a game changer when it comes to enrolling your family in the meal planning and cooking process. Part of it was about taking some pressure off of myself and another part of it was giving my hubby the opportunity to utilize his creativity skills in the kitchen. My hubby can get really creative in the kitchen and has created some of the most flavorful and nutritious meals we’ve enjoyed together. I love watching his face light up when he’s experimented with a new recipe that turns out to be really yummy.
Another benefit of Scot helping out with meal planning and cooking is he gets to be my hero. He loves being my hero so if giving me a night off from cooking means being my hero, he’ll do it in a heart beat. This is something that brings him so much joy.
Tip #3: Create some guidelines with your new process in collaboration with the person you’re asking for help from.
After Scot was onboard with sharing the meal planning and cooking with me, we talked about how we would make it work. We decided that whoever was the chef that night would be responsible for choosing the meal that night. The chef would not be responsible for clean up duty. When he cooks, I clean and vice versa. We bought a small white board that we have in our kitchen that lists the days of the week and the specific meals that we’ll have that night.
Before we assign ourselves to a day of the week, we discuss the schedule for the upcoming week. Most of the time we both stop working by 6pm, however, occasionally I’ll hold a coaching appointment or join a Beautycounter meet up after 6pm. These nights Scot will be in charge of dinner and it’s usually something quick and easy like bacon and eggs. We also schedule a date night once a week and get take out or go out to eat to give both of us a break from cooking and cleaning.
These three simple tips have helped me focus on the benefits of enrolling help and how it can actually feel empowering to ask for help. It feels incredibly liberating to relinquish control over some areas of your life so you can focus your energy on activities that align more with your strengths and move you closer to your goals.
What area in your life could you ask for help?